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Good Person, Stuck In A Bad World [entries|friends|calendar]
*Melissa*

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[15 Jul 2008|04:30am]

Yep.

This is deffinantly lovers only.
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[12 Oct 2007|02:12pm]
MAKING NEW A NEW LIVE JOURNAL.

DASANI_88

I feel as if I'm entering a whole new chapter in my life, and feel as if a new lj would justify it. And help me out =)

Add me.

I'll update it later tonight =)
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[08 Oct 2007|11:39pm]
So.. We have four dollars to our name till this Friday. Which sucks. Moving out is a hell of a deal. Adam didn't get paid last week like he was suppose to becuase his job was lame and didn't put him in the system properly... But oh well, next week he'll be getting paid a lot of money. For three or so weeks of work. Which isn't so bad.

Just have to get through these next four days or so. Which isn't so bad. I know we can do it. Once Adam starts getting paid we'll be doing perfectly fine with our debt. Well, not fine with it, but we can start getting out of debt.

We're only about... 7k in debt. O_O lol I assumed his debts, because I wanted to, and I'm perfectly fine with that. =)

I'm sure that's a lot that I'm missing out, but it's late, and i'm tired.


Oh, and Adam and I have been together 8 months and some change :D

Woot.
1 comment|post comment

[12 Sep 2007|07:48pm]
We couldn't pay our cable bill, and now don't have cable or internet at home, which blows. But it's okay, we'll be fine.

Adam got the job, so soon enough we'll have it.

i love adam
1 comment|post comment

[10 Sep 2007|12:37pm]
We'll know Thursday is Adam got the AMC Manager job - Which he probably did. Ughh. We'll be much, much, much better off then we are now.

We found out Saturday that Donnie, is indeed Adam's son. So this means once I marry Adam, I'll be a mom. xD

anywho. PEace.
5 comments|post comment

[07 Sep 2007|12:52pm]
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
I love my Adam. I love my Adam.
1 comment|post comment

[01 Sep 2007|05:51pm]
So this week, Adam and I are house sitting his mom's house till Saturday. We've been here since Wednesday. It's nice, being here, free AC, and elec. and internet, lol. And we can just do what ever we want. It's nice, we set up our computers across from each other's in the living room, he's on one couch, I'm on the love seat, and we're super close, cause we're only using one table, lol. It's awesome. It's a little vacation for Adam and I while his parents and siblings are in Maine. :D It's nice.

Y'know how I've been worrying about money issues, and everything? Well. It finally got to me. Last night I had a nervous breakdown, and couldn't stop crying, and I felt like I had to throw up. And Everything hurt, and the room was closing in, and spinning, and all I wanted to do was hurl, and cry, and hold Adam. And I cried, and I was held by Adam, for about 45 minutes. It was about 1 am when I started freaking out. We had sex, and we were laying down talking. And then my stomach started hurting. So I rolled over, and started laying on my back, looking around the room, then I got really anxious, and nervous, and started panicing. And My stomach started hurting worse, and Adam and I were talking, and I tried ignoring it, till I mentioned to him my stomach was bothering me. He asked why, and I couldn't explain why. And that made me feel so DUMB. How does something hurt, and I know not why, or what exactly hurts, or how I feel. I couldn't answer him. So he started comforting me, and rubbing my stomach, kissing my shoulders, and rubbing my stomach, and it did make me feel better, but it wasn't enough. The room was shrinking, and spinning, and making me dizzy and for some reason I just felt so fucked up. Like everything that was inevitably going to go wrong, was going to go wrong, at that exact moment. And it's been forever since I've had my last nervous break down. I was like 11, the first one happened at 7, with Lissette.

Anyways, So I started crying. At first it was just a little bit, my eyes started to water. Nothing major. I thought I was going to be okay, I just needed to cry, like I need to do about twice a month, just lay down , and cry. And then I feel so much better after words, and that's that. But it was different this time. I didn't want to cry to feel better. I wanted to cry cause I felt bad. I can't explain it. It was horrible. I forgot how it felt to be like that.

Then Adam leaned on me, and staretd to hug me tighter, and told me I was going to be fine,and that everything was going to be okay. I think he thought it was just my stomach hurting seeing as i didn't let him know I was panicing. Untill he lifted me up, and hugged me, and was just silent, but let me cry. And then I started gasping, and freaking out even more, the more I started to cry. I was yelling, and moaning, and all I could say was "I'm freaking out. Oh my god. My god.. Oh my god" And That's what I did. When I started really crying, and freaking out, Adam sat me up, and leaned me against him, and wrapped his arms around me, and we just rocked back and forth, and I cried, and cried. All I wanted was him to hold me, and craddle me.

And my mom. I wanted my mommy to hold me, and say she loved me, and hug me, and tell me it was okay. And now I'm crying, as I type this, and listen to music, cause part of me wants to go back home, and be with Coral, and Alex, and Emma, and Lissette, and see Chris, and Dad, and Uncle, and my grandmother, and Mom. And kitty, and I feel like I've left behind everything that meant anything to me.

But I fucking love Adam. And I can't leave him, because I know if I do, this will happen all over again, but with nobody holding me, and me laying in my bad, at night, crying wishing I was with him, Wishing Adam would hold me, and craddle me, and rock back and forth with him.

I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do. Now I'm worried Adam thinks I'm a huge nut job, and that I'm crazy, but by now you'd think he'd realize this, lol.

He'll be home in about, an hour. I'm excited. =) With moneys! And hopefully something to munch on. I told him he bring me something from a convinient store he stops at. ^_~

I'll see ya guys laterrr
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First Day! [13 Aug 2007|08:42am]
At my new job in Ohio. Woot. I'm super excited! =)
I work at Children's Orchard.

It's a children’s Upscale Resale store. So it'll be fun, I can work with parents, and see kids all day. =)

I'll tell ya how you goes later on.

Wish me luckk.
2 comments|post comment

[27 Jul 2007|02:27pm]
My parents are coming over today.
Woot. So they can see the apartment for the first time. I have a lot of cleaning up to do before they get here, and not a lot of time.. I procrastinated, lol.

Haven't founda job yet. I've looked everywhere. Adam's mom is going to help me put a resume together, so i can send one out to the places i=that are looking for people in the newspaper. A lot of those places said, "Plase send resume to )blah blah blah)". So that's going to be a big help.

That's all for now.
Gotta go clean.


NEW NUMBER:
330-687-2060
1 comment|post comment

[12 Jul 2007|10:52pm]
Smirnoff.
Cigs.
Chilli.
Sour Cream.
Potato Wedges.
Love.

Muahaha
4 comments|post comment

[09 Jul 2007|10:48pm]
So, yeah, I'll admitt it. I'm super bored living here. I dont know anybody, and Adam works far away.

I really, really, really want a job.
I really, really, really need a job!

I can only watch so much tv, and sit in on the same couch for so many hours at a time. Ugh..

lol

everything is good tho, <3
1 comment|post comment

[03 Jul 2007|09:34pm]
[ mood | horny ]

So here I am.

I'm in Ohio. The trip down was pretty amazing. Driving through mountains pretty much just made my life. We got an apartment today. Only took like 4 hours. Which is amazing. We move in on Thursday, because tomorrow is a holiday they wont be there so blah blah blah. I'm updating from his mom's laptop. Which is amazing. It can run WoW on max settings and still have amazing Frame rate. I can't really complain about anything right now. Everybody keeps asking me, "So, are you excited?" And to be honest. Not so much. I think the trip really took a lot out of me. And being so far away it really taking it's toll. Y'know? I'm not saying I'm not excited, and that I'm super bored, and that this is all just the same as it was before, cause that's not true at all. I'm very happy. I'm with the love of my life. Starting our new life together. What more could I ask for?

Ugh. One really shitty thing is, is how hard it is to feel comfortable around here. I feel like I'm walking on glass. I have to be very... I don't know. I don't have a set word. But it's just hard. And I know it'll change the longer I'm here, and once I actually move into the apartment, I'm sure that'll help a SHIT TON. lol And by, it's really hard to feel comfortable around here, I mean, it's hard to sleep. And relax. I slept really bad last night, and that hasn't help my mood any, heh. And On top of that, I cried as Adam held me last night, as he was tucking me in. It was rough. I wasn't even sad till he started saying good night, and that he had to leave. That was hard. He offered to drive me back to my house, but I think I'd die, or kill him, or hell, anybody he looked at me, funny or not, if I honestly had to to the drive again.

And, this weekend he has to work back at the Theater. Which is like 2 hours away! I guess it'll be nice. I'll be able to set up the place, and collect my thoughts.

Okies. He's right next to me. I'll stop typing.


peace.
<3

Coral. Y'know, my cell number is still 904-6165822. And for now, it's still local for you to call. Please? It'd be really nice to talk to you.

1 comment|post comment

[26 Jun 2007|07:59pm]
What if maybe..
What if maybe I'm not so ready to leave my mother behind?
What if maybe I'm afraid half to death, that I can't feel right now?
What if maybe I'm just over reacting?
What if maybe I'm no so ready to leave my mother behind?
My security blanket. My confidant. My mother. My life.

But Adam is the love of my life. And Adam makes me feel so safe when he is within an arms reach. Adam is my best friend. There is no other above him. There just isn't.

But what if maybe..
I'm not so ready to leave my mother behind?

I'm scared.
Today was my last day of work. In less then 14 hours I will be picking him up from the airport. And I'm nervous. I got nervous last time i was about to see him again. It's just because it's been so long. And I truly know that.

And I'm fully confident that I am ready to move on in my life. And become independent.
But what if Adam doesn't fully understand how messed up I am? How much I will need him. And depend on him, for a while, till I can get on my own two feet?

I love him. He loves me. But is he ready? I'm not so easy to deal with. Ask anybody. Even Coral knows I'm complicated.


I got my first credit card. Capital One. I'm excited. What's in your wallet? Heh.

I suppose this is my final update till I get to Adam's Sunday night / Monday morning. I'm just saying bai bais for now.

I'm in for the most depressing weekend I've had in a long time.

I thought saying g'bye to adam was hard. I can't begin to imagine how hard it's going to be to say goodbye to my mother.
My security blanket. My confidant. My life.

I'm crying. It's hard. This is so big, and it just hit me. Like a ton of bricks.
Like a fucking ton of bricks.

chocolate couldn't even shake these jitters.
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[22 Jun 2007|05:56pm]
Four more days left at work.
Just Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.
Then Wednesday I'm picking Adam up from the airport, and coming back home to cuddle. Then we'll hang out with Sandy. And then eat dinner together. Or eat dinner, and hang out with her. Either way.

Then Thursday hanging out with coral, and joe, and misty, and nick.
Then Friday with the family. And then Friday night with Coral and Chris we're going to the Casbah. Maybe i can get Joe and them to come. That'd be hot.

And then Saturday it's just Adam and I. Sorry Coral. Just us two. for most of the day. But maybe the night before we can get drunk! HOW AMAZING WOULD THAT BE?

Then we're leaving Sunday.

And that's my whole week in a nut shell.

Pretty much.

I'm so excited.
1 comment|post comment

[17 Jun 2007|06:04pm]
Last time I updated it was 2 weeks till I saw Adam.

The day later made two weeks till my last day at work.

Today makes two weeks till I leave Florida.

It's so close.

All within the next two weeks.
3 comments|post comment

[13 Jun 2007|02:30pm]
2 Weeks. What what.

PS: I'm HotCollapse )
7 comments|post comment

[03 Jun 2007|12:20pm]
I've lost 31.5 lbs. Woot. I haven't weighed this little since... uh... 8th grade? Sad, huh?

Still have a few more to go. But Woot, I feel so much better! And lighter too! ;)
1 comment|post comment

[25 May 2007|05:55pm]
I think you are one of the stupidest people I have ever met in my life.
5 comments|post comment

[23 May 2007|03:39pm]
Everything is super.
Everything is super.

I love life.
I love Adam.
I love Coral.


Everything is super.
2 comments|post comment

[07 Mar 2007|10:42am]
Madison Commons is out.

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